Saturday, December 25, 2004
cant believe i spent my x'mas tis yr slacking & sleeping!previous yrs my family usually haf small x'mas celebrations @ my aunt's place..but tis yr there isnt..so i'm left stuck @ home on x'mas day..anywae it's nt dat bad also..@ least i finally haf a rest day 2 myself after 3 wks of packed activities..juz dat it happen 2 fall on x'mas day.
went online 4 a while in e afternoon coz jer had sth 2 talk 2 me bout,& so happened cand had some story 2 tell me too,& i started discussing bout csc stuffs wif hui..looks like all 4 RP galz r stuck home todae..spending our lonely x'mas haha..anywae he came online while i was talking 2 them on msn,& i decided 2 approach him 2 tell him dat i'll be going 4 e YEP next yr(coz he's e in-charge)..i finally managed 2 persuade my parents 2 give me their consent..i noe they r worried bout my safety so they hesitate 2 let me go 4 YEP..but i really hope they can see & understand y i wanna do tis.i juz hope 2 extend a helping hand beyond borders,2 make a difference in e lives of e less fortunate outside s'pore..i noe it'll be a veri gd & once-in-a-lifetime experience 4 me too..coz i'll get to have a sight & taste of the life of the pple over there..i noe it's gonna be tough & miles of difference compared 2 e kind of life i haf here..but i dun mind going thru it..coz i wanna experience & learn..only then will i cherish e kind of life i haf & face life wif e right attitude.anywae he's gonna be e 1 to lead e team tis time..& so i finally haf e chance 2 work wif him(did god sent me tis opportunity?)..act i dun ask 4 anything else now but juz a chance 2 build up a friendship wif him..coz act ever since he quitted e activity dat was e last link btw us..i thought everything was lost & i cld nv dream of building up e friendship le..hai..but sometimes i'm also lost in my own sea of feelings..ytd like when RP mates asked me if i really like him?i didnt noe wat 2 say..yes definitely he's now e only guy in my mind..but i dun think bout him all e time..or feel sad or miserable everytime i think of him(coz it seems 2 me dat jer & maybe cand feels dat way)but i juz seem 2 haf tis special feeling towards him..juz cant help feeling he's e one..but is dat really true?sometimes i juz wonder how can it be..esp when there r things bout him dat i dun like & nv thought i cld accept..but becoz of him,i've subconciously accepted it..my feelings 4 him juz came when i least expected it..is god trying 2 tell me sth???i really am tired..sometimes,i juz feel 'wu neng wei li' & think of giving up when i foresee e difficulties & pressures i've gotta face 2 hold on..it's really nt gonna be easy 2 work my way thru his heart..coz of his high expectations & fixed principles..but i nv regret noeing him or liking him coz it unconciously made a difference in my life..& in fact i'm thankful 4 his entrance into my life coz i can finally move on without looking back @ e pasts..@ least now i'm determined nt 2 turn back again..there's still a long road ahead of me..no matter where it leads me to...
