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Sunday, January 09, 2005


Did i blow it?
i'm really thankful 2 jer & hui 4 helping me find chances 2 get closer 2 him..but i guessed i still blew it..i juz cant do it!!!y???wat's wrong wif me?i'm really trying already..todae jer & i went 2 hui's hall rm 2 help her clean up(mainly is 2 take e chance of seeing him)..he was already inside coz he had helped hui shift her things earlier on..& she left 4 lessons..so it's juz jer,him & me in e rm..so i tried 2 be more jovial & nt 2 seem so serious in front of him..i dunno if he can see e effort..but e most i cld do was add in some comments when jer struck conversations wif him..or juz laugh along..i juz wanted 2 let him see dat i'm nt dat quiet..but i juz cldnt bring myself 2 strike a conversation wif him..jer & hui kept giving me exasperated looks & signals 2 talk 2 him..but i juz CANT!!!i felt veri awkward..coz of e high possilibilty dat he noes i like him..& i dunno how 2 do it without seeming fake..& another thing is dat he also nv tried 2 talk 2 me..seems more like he's avoiding me..i dunno izzit becoz he noes dat i like him & he feels embarrassed too or wat..ah yo..& e most awkward time was when we went 4 lunch & in e bus,jer & hui left me 2 sit wif him..it was quite obvious & i'm sure he sensed it..i think i look like a total moron sitting beside him but turning back 2 talk 2 jer & hui..coz i really dunno wat 2 say 2 him..hai guessed i blew it again tis time..really dunno when will tis awkward relationship btw us last.anywae thanx once again..jer & hui 4 helping me find out stuffs frm him & finding chances 4 me 2 haf contact wif him..i noe i'm a failure in it..but i really did try..i tried 2 continue e conversation wif him online ytd & purposely stayed up till 330am so dat i can make use of every min of chance i haf 2 talk 2 him & also forced myself 2 wake up @ 730am 2 go 2 campus todae..i noe i haven done much 4 him yet..i'll if given e chance even if he doesnt noe it..juz watching him i already xin man yi zu....

left a trail at 9:00 PM