Tuesday, January 25, 2005
i really wonder....
jer & i met up wif 'him' todae..coz jer asked him along 2 help her look 4 a guy fren's present..act i had made up my mind nt 2 go 1..coz i had a feeling he wldnt welcome my presence & i dun want 2 feel extra there..but in e end i still went..nt becoz i harboured any hopes..is juz coz i thought maybe it'll be a chance 4 us 2 talk like normal frenz..i also wanted 2 see if i can be more natural since now i've given up hope le..i really tried todae..jer also said she can see dat..although most of e time it was jer doing e talking..but i did get involved in e conversation & tried asking him some questions @ times..i can still sense e awkwardness btw us but i dun feel it as strong on my side le..but on his side i really dunno...jer also thinks he isnt really himself todae..compared 2 e other time when only both of them met up..coz he didnt really talk much nor participated much in e conversations..seems like he felt uneasy or had some reservations bout saying some things..i dunno izzit becoz of my presence dat makes him feel uneasy & uncomfortable...if it really is..then maybe i shldnt haf gone..i didnt really regret going on my part coz i tried..but he didnt really seem like he was trying..he didnt really respond much..& i noe he keeps thinking dat jer has a motive 4 saying some things..like she still wants 2 bring us together..y does he haf 2 be so sensitive & think dat way?do we really need 2 haf motives in wateva we do?all i ask 4 is a normal friendship..i juz want him 2 change his mindset bout us nt being able 2 talk much..did i do anything wrong?i dun haf any bad intentions @ all..so y muz he think & act tis way?i really wonder..r we wrong 2 like some1???y r we deserving such things frm them?
