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Monday, April 23, 2007


i went to see my grandpa today..i'm supposed to be stuck at home studying but how can i feel at ease if i dun get to see him at least one last time...

when i saw him lying on e hospital bed today, looking even more frail than before, wif e oxygen mask..i noe i really hafta be prepared. he's now in a semi-conscious state and i dun even noe if he knew i was there. i held his hand & kept calling out to him..he did open his eyes a few times & responded a little..but i'm still nt sure if he knew i was there. i really hope he did..i want him to noe his little granddaughter is there for him & he muz hang on..i noe he's suffering at tis pt of time..it hurts me so much to see him like tis but i juz cant bear to let him go. my dad told me grandpa is already so old, if it's really time for him to go..then let it be..i noe dat my grandpa is actually very lucky to be surviving till this age since he has cancer for 10 years already..but having him wif me all tis while makes it even harder for me to let him go. i'm really afraid i cant accept it.

tis is e worst part..noeing it's gonna happen but nt noeing when..& there's nth i can do bout it..& i cant stop worrying..each time i think bout it i cant control my tears. i dun even feel like sleeping tonite coz i'm afraid...afraid dat when i get up, sth wld haf happened. i really dunno wat i shld do...except for continue praying to god to let my grandpa hang on there. for now, i really pray dat at least he will hold on till my sis cums back frm her trip..i want him to noe we r all here for him so dat he can go peacefully.

god..please give my grandpa e strength to hold on...please...

left a trail at 12:37 AM